UGBC Senate Dissolves Judiciary, Makes Palpatine Emperor

The Undergraduate Empire of Boston College ushers in a new era of security and prosperity. 

Capitol Hall - The Undergraduate Government of Boston College's main deliberative body, the Senate, voted Thursday to dissolve the judicial branch and transfer all of its authorities to the President and Vice President of the organization. The move was the first in a package of government reforms designed to increase transparency and consolidate power against the Trade Federation.

The Judiciary had the responsibility of ensuring that all actions taken by the executive and legislative branches were in accordance with the UGBC constitution. But those efforts needlessly held up important legislation to wiretap individuals suspected of carrying out terror plots against McElroy Commons.

"We remember that FDR failed in his court-packing scheme," said Mike Kitlas A&S '12, UGBC President. "So we decided - instead of trying to add to the Court, why not just disband it completely?"

The bill also renames the executive branch the Cabinet, to better reflect its position as an advisory, non-binding augment to Presidential authority rather than a robust check or balance. Additionally, it changes the titles of president and vice president to President and Vice President, respectively, highlighting the importance of capital letters on our campus capitol.

The most radical move came in a separate piece of legislation, sponsored by Sen. Derek Lo A&S '12 of the Naboo System to create a new position called the Office of the Emperor and made a motion to elevate Sen. Todd Palpatine CSOM '13 to that position. The measure passed unanimously.

"Blood alone moves the wheels of history," Palpatine said in his opening remarks, adding that the existing Senate would be stripped of formal power.

"Now we can get on to the real work of government - concerts! All that stands in our way is rebel scum," he concluded.

As The Register went to press, UGBC had just burned down Maloney Hall and blamed it on the Jedi.