BC Students for Sexual Health Rarely Have Sex

A typical BCSSH Friday night, alone.

Chestnut Hill -- Though Boston College Students for Sexual Health provide their peers with condoms, members note that the best method for protection against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases is abstinence, which they practice.

"We're probably more consistent than the Bible pushing whores on campus," said Kristin Portabee, A&S '14. "It's really not fair when you think about [how they get laid more frequently than we do]."

Portabee said an ideal date would be a cool concert followed by an informative perusing of contraceptive brochures and a vigorous session of solo masturbation at night's end. But an ideal date would also have a partner, which for the moment is strictly hypothetical, Portabee added.

Despite their light resume of fornication, BCSSH members keep drawers full of dental dams and diaphragms in the hope of shagging Prince or Princess Charming. The club offers "Safe Sites," an underground den where anything goes except nudity for their benefit. Students feeling horny can stop by and pick up some free prophylactics when in a crunch, instead of the arduous commute to the 24/7 City Convenience.

Will Burns, A&S '15, explained that Safe Sites attracted him to join the organization.

"I thought, man, if I'm giving out condoms what a great way to get girls down to smooch into my bed," he explained. "I didn't predict that many of them already had partners in mind when they knocked on my door," he added regretfully.

Still, the group is finding other ways to get out the message and hopefully get some numbers. They offer a service for parties in which they provide solo cups, a box of flavored condoms, and fliers in return for an invitation to the party.

But for now, the club has safe sex, and their sex lives, firmly in hand.

The telling BCSSH logo reads "SOS."