SEAL Team 6 Captures Al-Qaeda #2 in Copperfield's Raid

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is shocked to see some 20-year-olds with beers.

Fenway -- The Navy SEAL Team 6, which killed Osama bin Laden and more recently suffered extensive losses in one of the deadliest Al Qaeda attacks ever in Afghanistan, turned their attention to domestic terrorism in a midnight raid on Copperfield's Bar. Acting on intelligence that Al-Sharif bin Wazir, the 19-year-old president of the Al Qaeda in America Drinking Club, was enjoying a $9 plastic cup of Natural Ice, 24 commandos surrounded the bar and detained Wazir and a number of his cohorts.

The operation, code-named "Operation Safe Campus" and co-sponsored by the Alcoholic Beverages Control Commission (or NAMBLA), was purported to be an effort to crack down on counterfeit forms of identification and underage consumption of alcohol, but a source who declined to be named indicated that there was simply no way so much attention could be paid to so insignificant of an issue.

"We're fighting two wars, we're still struggling economically, and the budgets of many state and local governments are facing severe cuts," the source explained, "so it's highly improbable that a considerable amount of our nation's resources would go toward a relatively minor problem."

Wazir had eluded capture from government officials for some time. His fake ID website, id-chief.com, funnels money from college students directly to Al Qaeda insurgents in Pakistan. He has organized fundraisers billed as college nights with drink specials at numerous establishments, including White Horse and the bar formerly known as the Joshua Tree. Joshua Tree was recently forced into closure when a close associate of Wazir's, Paul Hussein Amamuhudan, was discovered using the driver's license of his older brother Khalid.

President Barack Obama himself, along with Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, viewed a live feed of the video in the Situation Room to make sure that Wazir and his underage college friends were apprehended.

"This is the first in a long war of the government against Al Qaeda and also college students drinking," Obama said in a televised national address. "Any underage persons who consume alcohol, and any bars or nations that harbor them, will be brought to justice."

Wazir is currently in custody at a CIA black site in the basement of Gasson Hall.