UGBC Follows Hit Lip-Dub Video with Stop-Motion Rendition of "The Vagina Monologues"

Robsham - A year after the Undergraduate Government of Boston College's lip-dub version of Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" went viral,** the group is planning to release another crowd-pleaser, a stop-motion animated production of "The Vagina Monologues."

In contrast to past performances, which relied on actors speaking alone on stage, director Kathryn Chase, CSON '12, wants to take a different angle.

"What if we had the vaginas themselves speak, how would they sound?" she asked.

Working vaginal prototypes. An old vagina, left, and a younger vagina, right.

Using advanced claymation technology from movies such as "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," UGBC artists completed masterful clay vaginas, replete with movable labias and harrowing tales.

Sculptor Richard Edwards, A&S '14, used his past experience building a paper mache volcano to design a life-like episode of menstruation.

"The hardest part is getting the vagina to simultaneously shed its youthful innocence as well as the lining of the uterine walls," he explained.

A UGBC official, who spoke on a condition of anonymity because he swore to uphold the secrecy of the group's next project, indicated that a made-for-TV movie was also in the works. The film, "Men in Black and Yellow," stars president Mike Kitlas A&S '12 as an alien-hunting secret agent and past vice president Pat Raab CSOM '12 as an extraterrestrial who eats freshman girls.



**About 30 minutes after this story went to print, UGBC took the original lip dub video down. This is why the Boston College Register is the most independent news source of Boston College.

Jimmy Fund Plans Walk of Shame

Hickeys or St. Patrick's Day temporary tattoos, either way. 

BOSTON - Facing a decline in the number of participants for the annual Boston Marathon Walk, the Jimmy Fund is planning a new event designed specifically for out of shape but still sexually active college students of the Boston area.

The first Jimmy Fund Walk of Shame course runs from whatever foreign bed you begin your morning, through the grilled chicken line in Corcoran Commons, to the Mod where you lost your phone, arriving finally in your room.

Director Allison Fabian explains the concept.

"Since the physical course will vary for each student, what ties them together is an emotional course, the level of thoughtful regret experienced on the way back to one's own bed. We think the idea of a guilty conscience is fitting for those who choose to participate in their own frivolities while millions suffer every year from cancer," she said.

Entrants must wear the outfit they put on the previous evening. For girls, completing the 8 a.m. walk in stilettos and an ass-flattering skirt is encouraged, though participants may also opt for the subtle "morning mascara" or "sex hair" looks. Wardrobe is less important for men, who can complete the walk with an outward projection of cocky bravado that belies an inward feeling of impotence and lingering hangover, Fabian stated.

Fans who do not get laid will have the opportunity to cast judgment on those who do as they pass through the Mods, up the Million Dollar Stairs, across O'Neill Plaza and the former Dustbowl, to the probable finish line at Cheverus.

Mitibaka Chariot, A&S '13, a transfer student from the University of Kenya-Santa Barbara, has high hopes of setting a course record with what coaches say is the world's briefest twinge of remorse.

Pete Russell CSOM '11 and Kaylee Dougherty A&S '12, far left, are unsure which of them will enter tomorrow.

All missing $20 bills, Veteran's Taxi cab fare, and priceless moments of intimacy will go toward saving lives.

When asked if the Jimmy Fund would want to do this again some time, Fabian declined to take a stance.

"Let's just see where this goes," she said.

Hot Girl Maybe Attending

Mods - With move-in less than a week away, mod resident Jason Maher, CSOM '12, is already planning a massive party to ring in the new semester. With a clever name for his tailgating Facebook event (North by Northwestern) and invitations sent out to 500 of his closest acquaintances, he hopes to have the yard "banging."

Just hours after the event's virtual creation, 353 friends RSVP'd "attending" to the event and 24, including attractive student Jennifer Reilly, LSOE '13, replied "maybe attending."

Maher insists his intentions are "strictly Platonic." 

Maher first met Reilly six weeks into their General Chemistry course, when he finally mustered the courage to approach the blonde with a question about the midterm. Since then, they have run into each other at a party once and sometimes look the other way when passing through O'Neill Plaza.

Nevertheless, Maher has hope.

"I don't want to hook up with her, maybe I just want to get to know her better," he explained.

Upon learning that she may or may not attend his Saturday darty, he sent her a text reminding her of the time and location and encouraging her to come and bring as many friends as she wants.

"You know, maybe she forgot or just thinks I invited her by accident and didn't actually want her there," he rationalized.

The Register obtained Reilly's response by hacking into her cell phone:

"Oh sounds fun! I don't know what my plans are for this weekend yet, but when I do I'll let you know if I can make it," she wrote.

Privately, however, Reilly expressed incredulity at Maher's hospitality.

"Honestly, I know he just wants to get in my pants. He made eye contact with me once and asked me how my summer was going, which can only mean one thing," she said.

Meanwhile, Pat Tooley, A&S '15, the younger brother of one of Maher's friends, is attending and invited six of his freshman, male friends.

As The Register went to print, Reilly texted Maher the following message: "Hey sorry I couldn't make it today, but let me know when you're having another get together and I may be able to stop by!"