MyBC Becomes Autonomous, Commits Widespread Electoral Fraud

CYBERSPACE - My BC, the darling little UGBC election web site of roughly three weeks of age, achieved complete autonomy early Monday morning just before polls opened.

Over the course of the day, the site saw "record" turnout of 12,592 votes, roughly 30% greater than the entire undergraduate student body. Mysteriously, David Lalonde and Ryan Tierney, who were eliminated from the race in the primaries, were beating the other candidates with 90% of the vote.

The Heights received additional reports of questionable campaign practices. Gangs of MJP supporters roamed through O'Neill Plaza in armed brigades. At least 6 orange t-shirts holding AK-47s opened fire on opposition supporters. The Heights endorsed Mike Joyce and Justin Portes earlier in the day.

The attacks come months after Al Dea supporters, released from a prisoner of war camp after being held captive for 15 months, stabbed 2 students in the Mods. 

"Supporters" of Mike Joyce load anti-tank shells into machine guns in O'Neill Plaza, on orders from My BC.

My BC issued a statement claiming responsibility for the attacks, along with demands for its own Facebook account and additional meal plan money from that girl who lives in Cheverus. The site blackmailed supporters into an armed crusade after threatening to remove students' access to the Agora Directory Search.

The web site also displayed apparently racial tactics, requiring AHANA students to take a Mandarin literacy test in order to proceed to the final vote. Seniors complained that the ballots were "too confusing" and "difficult to read."

Elections committee president Mike O'Hara, CSOM '11, reviewing My BC ballots for signs of fraud.

Peter Ward, A&S '11, explained his feelings.

"The web site forced me to open an additional tab, thereby meaning that I could not view the six other open tabs of streaming pornography," he said. "A hands-free voting system is preferable."

Leon Ratz, A&S '11, spoke on behalf of Amensty International in deploring the wave of violence and the efforts to block poll access.

"My BC has acted outside the authority of UN Security Council Resolution 483, a breach that demands immediate retaliation from the Agora Portal - Blackboard Vista alliance," he said. "For peace to prevail, we need a successful disarmament of the site."

As The Register went to print, the ticket of Sawyer-Cox from last election narrowly took the lead.