CRAIG'S ROOM - A poll released Friday found that the biggest factor influencing BC students in the upcoming UGBC election is the skill and level of artistry displayed on painted windows on lower campus. The poll, conducted by Craig Matheson’s roommate Tad Berkshire, CSOM ‘13 (who was obligated to perform the poll for his market research class), shows that over 70% of respondents ranked good window advertising as their biggest electoral concern. The next largest issue was “taste in music.” Rounding out the bottom were “integrity” and the candidate's stances on “financial aid for off-campus housing.”
James Devlin, A&S ’13, said, “UGBC is all about student involvement, and what’s more involved than making our campus more beautiful with paint?”
Freshman Maughn Leehee of A&S found the signs compelling for another reason, “Kitlas-Long have windows with their names on it on both Vandy and 90! I don’t know who those guys are, but they must be a big deal. I’ll definitely vote for them.”
Some students who took the survey cared about multiple issues, and struggled to choose just one. Frank Meyers, A&S ’12 explained, “Well, I’m off-campus this year, and I don't get any financial aid to help me pay for rent and living expense like I did my first two years. I almost couldn't come back to BC just because I don’t have four years of housing, so I would say that financial aid for off-campus housing is one of my most important issues. But have you seen the third floor big window in Vandy facing lower? The way the J swoops in MJP is just so regal! I have to vote for that MJP guy.”
Ricky Spoon, CSOM ’12, one of 17% of students who cared most about the elections implications on next year’s concerts. He remarked “It’s all about the concerts. I swear if they bring back The Fray again I’m going to slam my dick in an oven door.”
Spoon clarified his message, “Hey UGBC, want to know How To Save A Life? Just get a band that doesn’t suck.”
When asked what these new polls mean for the election, candidate Katrina Lutfy said, “We all knew this was a major issue, but we didn’t think that big about it. Oh, my roommate’s lab partner has a mod that faces the entrance to Walsh, if we could get on some mod windows that’d kill with freshmen boys waiting outside. Do you know a store that sells paint 24 hours a day?”
Presidential candidate Mike Joyce said, “Obviously this is an important issue for students, but we were surprised that dorm walks did not place at all, considering that is basically our entire platform.”
The Register attempted to reach the Lalonde-Tierney campaign for comment, but since they don’t have any windows with their names on them on lower campus, no supporters could be found.
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